just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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