well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
