words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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