I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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