How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
