and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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