i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
