I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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