Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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