i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
