I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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