And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
