kristin has been a bad kristin
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
