If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
