Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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