dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
