she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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