Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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