she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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