she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
