sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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