I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
