We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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