sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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