this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
