Got a toothbrush?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
