She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize