guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
