She said her name was "party"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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