Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
