is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
