hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
