maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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