I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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