how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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