But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
