My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
did i walk over a car last night?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
