I seem to have left my pride at pride
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
