Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need a beard to bite.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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