Whats the glycemic index on semen?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
