I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
