After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it because I queefed?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You're like the curious george of whores
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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