It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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