Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
