It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
