i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
