To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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