So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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