Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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