Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
