This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So. Much. Porn.
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