Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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