he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
