Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
