I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
