he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
