Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
