Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
