If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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