last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
