Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
