we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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