I'm jealous of your bromance
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
