he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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