Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
