That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They have beer where we have blood.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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