Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
