Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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