please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
