I think my vagina is haunted
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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