So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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