Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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