guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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