I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
