I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
