Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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