I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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