Absence makes the cock grow harder.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
