Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
