Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He kissed a someone with a penis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
